Yes I have played Hamlet and, and no that is not what this post is about. This one is about morality and the competing theories that man is inherently good and the world corrupts him and that man is an animal and society civilizes him.
Until recently it was my opinion that people had an inherent moral barometer. This isn't to say that people do no wrong, but I used to believe that when a person does wrong it is because they choose to. That said, people still do wrong and believe themselves to be right...perhaps they cannot see the unintended consequences or perhaps their world view is distorted in such a way that they believe wrong can be justified. Though it may not be evident after my last post, I try not to judge people. I have always held the belief that no matter what a person does, they are trying to do right and they have their reasons for whatever I may deem as bad or malicious. My point is, even Hitler had justifications for his actions and as much as I do not agree with them, he believed them to be just and correct (or so I would like to believe). A well played villain in a movie or show does not see himself as a mustache-twisting, two-dimensional character, but a victim of circumstance or larger goals than the hero is capable of seeing. That argument would make it seem as though I believe man is inherently good.
I can further this argument by saying that every major religion or philosophy has a center of morality to it and most of these align. One should not rape or kill or steal and so on. If you are a religious person, then you believe your religion to be correct and the others to be wrong. Meaning, your faith was influenced by your deity, the universe or whatever and the others written by man. Well, these men seem to have come up with a lot of similar ideas on right and wrong, they simply disagree on the best way to serve their God, deity or philosophy. So these human beings must have a good deal of morality in them. If you are not religious, then you probably see yourself as a good person, and you do good things because you should and not for a supernatural reward or punishment in the after-life. This once again affirms the concept that people are good. Sure, we are occasionally tempted by the devil or negative forces, but in general we want to do the right thing.
Of course, there are sociopaths and criminal minds that will do whatever they can get away with and the only thing that keeps them in check is fear of punishment or consequences. There are a fair few people that would steal if they felt they could get away with it, but as proven in Clerks, you can leave a jar full of money out and most people will make correct change for themselves. I worked as a clerk for a number of years and many people said, "You gave me too much change," and would give me back the excess. Sure I ran into short-change artists and people that would try to flim-flam me, but people, in general, seemed to want to do what is right and fair and no more or less. Some people are mentally incapable of knowing right from wrong or have a compulsion to do wrong. Most people that do wrong, regret it and will go out of their way to correct their mis-step, even if it means inconveniencing themselves. One of the twelve steps is to apologize to people you have hurt as a result of your addiction and to try to make it right with them and if that is impossible, a higher power.
Again, it would appear that I am arguing man is inherently good and does what is right because he wants to. A couple of events recently called this into question for me. The first was a dear friend confronting me about some of the things I said in my previous post. They said, "It seems like all you do is regret all of your time partying, didn't you have fun?" I did have fun and, at the time, it seemed like the thing to do. I was hurting and I just wanted to lash out, have loads of sex (as I hadn't in my previous marriage), and basically drink and fuck the pain of failing at my marriage away. I knew I was doing wrong, but I felt like I had earned it and needed it. When I looked at the path of destruction, broken hearts, friends I had bankrupted, and general shambles I had made out of my life, I regretted having been so damned selfish.
Here is my point. I looked at the effects of my actions on other people. I thought about all of the people I had hurt for my own selfish desires and the wrong I had done seemed too much to bare. Did I have fun while doing it? Sort of. Mostly, I just felt like I was an awful person and it created a downward spiral. I felt like a bad person, so I should do bad things, I did more bad things and felt like a worse person and further down the rabbit hole I went. Was it ultimately therapeutic? Eventually it was, but mostly it was just costly on myself and others. So, in that way, the society of friends and family I created dictated my morality. If I had lived on an island of life-like, animatronic robots and booze and my choices had no consequences to people's feelings, would I have ever stopped partying? I can say I honestly don't know. Outside of this hypothetical, it was the cost of my actions on other people that cared about me that forced me to grow up and stop being so destructive and selfish.
I had never thought about it like that until I was confronted with the fact that I regret my past and asked, "Why?" I had always believed I was a good person who did the right thing simply because it was the right thing. When I had done wrong, it was in spite of myself and my own true desires. Perhaps the truth is that I wanted God, my mom, my deceased father, my friends and everyone I cared about to be proud of me. Perhaps, it was my society that made me civilized all along.
This concept was partially solidified at my dear friend, DC's memorial. A gentleman, who is very religious, named Cortez said this, "When I moved from Chicago, I prayed to God to be surrounded by great people. God wants me to be great and if I am meant to be great I need to be around great people. We tend to take on the qualities of those we associate with. The people I had fallen in with in Chicago were not the brightest and often made poor decisions, and thus, so did I. One of the first people I met in Phoenix was DC. And I said, 'Thank you, God.'" My friends and family are great people. That is not to say that they do not do bad things occasionally, no one is perfect; in general, though, they do not hurt people for no reason and are very good. I was blessed to fall in with very good, academic achieving and civically minded people from a very early age. Perhaps that is a larger part of why I want to do good rather than bad. Perhaps, the society I have created around myself has civilized me more than I give it credit for. I am very thankful for my friends and family and realize I am lucky to have them.
The last thing that called into question my previously steadfastly believed ideas on morality is something a close woman friend said. I was asking her to be a bit smarter in her bad choices. I obviously make bad choices as my first blog post denotes. For instance, this blog has caused friction in my relationship with my wife. She is upset that I am airing our dirty laundry and private thoughts and discussions. So many people gave me the advice to do something for me. My options are limited and in my current state of mind, I wanted to do something that would liberate me and allow me to write and have someone somewhere read it. I needed that as a writer and an artist. It was a destructive choice, but I felt it was the smartest dumb choice I could make. I asked my friend, "why can't you be foolish and cut-loose in such a way that you wouldn't have to hide it from your mother, your friends or me?" From my perspective, if you have to hide something you have done, it is probably not the right thing to do and will likely hurt the people around you and have bad consequences. After my experience with the divorce, I learned that in the end, that taints whatever fun I am having and makes it harder for me to enjoy myself, making me want to fill that void with even greater voracity. She told me, "I have worried about what people might think about me my whole life. I have let that dictate what I will and won't do. When I do something for me, I need to do something stupid. I need to do something people wouldn't like or it is not really cutting loose." From my point of view, doing something because people wouldn't like it is just as bad as doing something because they would. You are still letting other people run your life and dictate your actions. That said, she has made it plain to me that she does the negative things that concern me and others that care about her because they are fun to her...because She enjoys them and consequences be damned. She feels she needs to do that for her. As long as it is truly for her and not simply because it is not what people want her to do, that is probably personal growth for her, and as much as I may not agree with her actions, I stand by and support them. But if she is going out and hurting me and others just because that is not what she has done her whole life, then it is just as much of a problem and indicative of the same mindset as only doing what you are supposed to do to please them.
And, I guess, at the end of the day, that is my conclusion. I want to believe I do the right thing (and others do as well) because it is the right thing. I want to believe my moral barometer is strong and I am a thoughtful, caring person. However, there are a lot of things that I do not do simply because it would hurt my wife or others I care about. Sometimes I even do things to hurt people when I am at my darkest and most vindictive. I have talked about being an asshole and lashing out at my wife. I do not like that I do those actions, but I do them in reaction to pain and frustration. In other words, my morality and actions are based on others. I suppose my final analysis is, caring about others is important. Caring about not hurting or concerning them is just as valid as doing the right thing for its own sake. I just wish I were a better man because of who I am and not just for others, but, "No man is an island" and after all, I am just a man.
No comments:
Post a Comment